i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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