if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
