I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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