He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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