We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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