the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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