We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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