It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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