Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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