I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
