just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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