Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
