Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i came on her dog
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
