After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
