Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
