That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
