I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
