I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
