I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This house was built for laser tag.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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