ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
