Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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