I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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