Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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