I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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