Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
