Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
