Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
