oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
