I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
