I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
