how can u be prego again
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
