Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
