That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
