Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
