I hope mine doesn't look like that
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
