if i can run in heels then i can drive
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
