Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
