i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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