Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
