You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
pray to the hookup gods
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
