the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
