come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
