saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
