I just pynch a tree in the face
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
