Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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