she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
