she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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