i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
