Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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