I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
